14 min 56 sec left

Wednesday night I went with 66,000 other people to the Real Madrid vs. DC United match at Qwest field. There I was, standing out side before the game, when all of a sudden a Q13 Fox news reporter and her camera man walked up and asked if I wanted to be interviewed!
I got asked about 4 questions which I did my best to answer both intelligently and enthusiastically…but I was unwilling to pander to the Beckham inspired hysteria!
Anyway, I tracked down the news footage that aired later that night and so here is my 4 seconds of fame:

http://www.punterjon.com/videos/JPfoxnews.wmv

14 minutes 56 seconds left…but wait! If you look carefully behind the celebrating United players you can see a cheering fan with black and white striped sleeves! That would be me too.

The full segment is here: http://www.punterjon.com/videos/RealDCFoxnews_1.wmv

House Call

I was teasing a friend of mine about her college driving record, and jokingly gave her the nickname 'Ten-tickets'...which prompted me to write this little ditty (it's all cliche and camp so don't get too excited):

Chapter 9: House call

…I walked into the crowded bar slowly so as not to draw to much attention. The smoke lay think and did plenty to cover my entrance. A sweet blues song was playing on the jukebox, keeping the mood mellow, which was good – because the crowd in this place could get dangerous in a hurry!
I spotted Rocko ‘the digit’ slummin’ by the bar. His trigger finger was so twitchy it rattled the shot class he was preparing to down, spilling droplets on the bar in front of him. Slinking slowly around the pool table was Johnny French, a two-bit thug from the old neighborhood who liked to pretend he was classy by drinking wine while chowing on bread and cheese - I knew for a fact he’d never left the states, no matter how many times he told that story about the Foreign Legion! Filling out the room were Sly Sammy Silver-tongue, who nobody talked to anymore after the tip he supposedly gave the cops a few years ago; Duke O’Bannon, who never spoke, he just squinted a lot and hit people - hard; Mike ‘the sharp edge’ Thompson who supposedly had more knives hidden on his person than he had hair on his head – which in reality wasn’t to hard for a guy who’s hairline had receded to the back of his neck! Shooting dice in the corner were Silvio Antonelli, a.k.a. ‘The Professor’ and Nikoli Pavelov, better known as ‘The Red Wolf’ – a pair of killers who enjoyed their work. The Professor was prone to tying up victims and lecturing them about the great history of his native land, filling their head with facts before he filled it with lead. The Wolf was a hunter, relentlessly tracking down those that ran from a debt, or otherwise incurred the wrath of patron willing to pay this high-priced assassin.
But I wasn’t here for any them. No, I was here for a bigger prize, I had a larger fish to fry! I spotted the entrance to the back room, a red velvet curtain over by the vending machine, and I knew that’s where she’d be. Yeah, that’s it…she’d be holed up in back making plans, plotting, working out the next gig. She was the brains behind all these thugs and I was there to take her down.
I checked the load in my hand cannon before slowly working my way around the room…moving from shadow to shadow with the skill that comes from 25 years on the job – see, there really ain’t much difference between me and them, except I know what ‘right’ is in the end…and she weren’t it!
I took a last deep breath and stepped through the curtain boldly, only to be greeted all too quickly by a .45 pressed to my cheek and that silky voice…”Hiya Parley” she said, “I though you were gonna stand out there by the door forever.”
“You know me, Jody” I replied, trying to sound calm and cute, “I didn’t wanna surprise nobody!”
Jody McKellen…Jody ‘Ten-tickets.’ You never met a broad like this, I tell ya. Killer body, and a mind to match – and I do mean killer! Know one really knew where the ‘Ten-tickets’ came from, but rumor had it she liked to get pulled over on the highway just to laugh at the poor suckers before she iced ‘em. Most flat-foots knew the sight of her white wheels a mile away and avoided it like the plague, even the rookies…maybe that’s why she was stuck on ten so long.
“How’s this gonna play McKellen? One of us have to die for this to end, or can we find a ‘peaceful’ way out?”
“That’s up to you, Johnny! Maybe you don’t bust in my place with a loaded piece next time and we can work something out for the long run.” A hand snaked under my coat and removed my iron from its holster.
“Problem is, Jo, you think every place is your place…and the good people of this city, the ones who work a hard day and pay a decent tax, are getting tired of your fingers everywhere!”
“Oh, come now, Johnny…you never minded my fingers everywhere!” Just like her to remind me. She always new how to push my buttons, and once back in the day, before she was who she is now, we shared a good time, or two.

Next week: One in the hand, two in the cuffs!

In unrelated news

I just read that UPS saves millions of dollars a year in fuel because they no longer calculate their routes by the shortest distance. Instead they find the route with the fewest left turns! Apparently sitting in left turn lanes, idling the engine, is worse than going several blocks out of their way. That’s amazing.
Did you also know that it will only cost $200,000.00 to go up into space in the nine passenger Spaceship2 built by Burt Rutan – in just two years time! I might not sell my house for that, but if I won the lottery that would be expense numero uno…

Those two things have very little to do with each other.